Who I Am

What a broad question. Do I say I'm simply a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend? Would you care to know that I'm also an avid reader, climber, cook, hiker and gardener? Does my identity lay in the things that I do or the things that I am? I would insist that the most important part of who I am is the fact that I have been redeemed and saved of my sin by Jesus Christ. I will no longer perish for my imperfections but eternally bask in the perfection of my Lord. With Christ as my foundation all the other aspects of my identity are built. I can now be a patient and gentle mother, a wife who honours and loves her husband, a cook who delights in serving others and a gardener who finds great joy in the creation of our God. I wish to share with you many aspects of my life in hopes of encouraging you and walking with you as we pursue Christ together. But you must first know of the powerful work that Christ has done in my life, so that we can rightfully attribute the current blessings to Him.

It wasn’t until I was required to pen my testimony that I realized when exactly Christ redeemed me. I had assumed it was early on in my life, but based on the evidence I know now that it was more recently. Having been raised in a Christian home, Jesus was a part of our daily routine. I was full of biblical knowledge. But as a child I didn’t fully understand the need for Jesus. When I entered my university years I experienced first-hand how ugly sin is: temptatious, selfish, easy, lustful and eternally damaging. In the moment I recognized none of that. For months I experienced extreme depression, I hated life and questioned why I was here. I had a heavy reliance on painkillers for chronic migraines. I was alone in my selfishness and I was searching for fulfillment in all the wrong places. I was not taking care of myself. There were too many hours spent in self-pity and anger. In hindsight, I was rebelling against God and I was a slave to sin.

The Lord used His righteous law to expose my sin. By experiencing darkness the light seemed so much brighter. Knowing what I did about Christ from my childhood, I was able to clearly see that there was only one path worth pursuing. I needed to be free from my sin. I desired peace, joy and goodness and all of the Fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5. I was also convicted when I remembered John 15:4 which explains God’s design for Christians’ relationship with Himself, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me”. Alone I was withering and producing bad fruit, but when God revealed Himself to me I had an instant desire to seek righteousness and grow nearer to Him. Romans 6:17 sums up my experience well, “But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed.” Later on in verses 20-22 the concepts of fruit and having sin as a master are united into these beautiful, justifying verses: “For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life”. 

As I grow closer to God my need for Christ becomes increasingly clearer. I hadn’t understood that until I saw how desolate, shameful and wicked I was when I lived apart from Christ. He has always been in my life, but now He is in my heart.  My parents have been the biggest instruments of my conversion. They worked hard to instill Christ’s love and purpose into my life. By teaching me the benefits of salvation and righteousness it was clear where I needed to turn when it seemed like I had nowhere else to go. They helped me know a lot about God, and by His mercy now I know God. 

The year following my conversion I refined my friendship circles. I spent time in the Word of God on my own accord for the first time that I can remember. When I took a break from the toxic university culture that I was ill prepared for, I understood that I had been a seed choked among the thorns, (Matthew 13).  Almost as soon as I rejected what the world had to offer and slowly made my life more glorifying to God, He put Tyren, my husband, into my life. He also had a role to play in my initial sanctification. Never before had I had the need to live for anyone but myself. Not only was I now seeking to please and worship God with my life but I also had a longing to be a godly woman who would become a godly wife and, hopefully, a godly mother. I also had a burning desire to obey Christ’s command to get baptized. Previously, I had viewed baptism as gatekeeping to some form of elite Christianity, but upon experiencing Christ’s love and mercy I had no other desire than to obey Him and come to understand the beauty and celebration of baptism. Having now been filled by the Holy Spirit I was humbled to understand that the Lord had acted out of His mercy to call me to Himself. None of it was a result of my choices or actions. Finally I understood what Ephesians 2:8 meant, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God”. Neither the grace, nor the faith is of my own doing! What a miraculous gift!

I dread to remember the year after the Fall of 2016, the true low point of my life. The year following that I was transformed. Christ had justified me. I was forgiven and I understood now that that was what I had desperately needed. Christ’s sanctification redeemed my life and I became joyful, patient and disgusted with the sin that had previously enchanted me. I got baptized at my childhood church, and I became filled with awe at the work of the Lord. The summer after I was baptized I married Tyren and we have since pursued Christ together. We desire biblically based teaching as the foundation for preaching. Since then I have spiritually grown substantially; I am less attracted to the sparkly facade that the world has to offer. Each day I grow in righteousness and I bear good fruit, my sinful desires are all-the-more often nipped in the bud and I despise both my own sin as well as the sin of others for the evil that it is.  Over all, I desire to be the best representative of Christ that I can be; to proclaim the forgiveness and goodness of God to those yet to be saved, including my three daughters, and to glorify Him with all that I do.

To the outsider looking in, I am simply a full-time stay at home mom. One of billions. The things I do are ordinary and somewhat arbitrary. But by looking at life through the lens of Christ, I hope to make an impact beyond the walls of my home and share the goodness God has blessed me with, starting with my three daughters and husband, my extended family, my church family and community, and now hopefully you!